


Dare You To Do Better

by MarvelousAndProud



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Five Year Mission, Kirk remembers dying, Pike angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2015-12-08
Packaged: 2018-05-05 17:32:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5384318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarvelousAndProud/pseuds/MarvelousAndProud
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain Kirk died. His life ended and now as he sits ready to start a five-year voyage into deep space, he thinks about what it had felt like. What had he seen in death? Who had he seen? How did the experience affect him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dare You To Do Better

Brow pinched together, Kirk gazed out over the console of the Enterprise from the captain's chair. This was what he had always wanted right? From the moment he had told Spock about the five-year voyage into deep space that would be assigned to one very lucky crew, it had been closer than ever before. Deep space. It was the dream for any Starfleet captain. Imagine the possibilities. The adventures. The mysteries waiting to be revealed. Even the darkest parts of space could shine the brightest, brighter than a thousand suns for one reason. One very important reason. His crew.

 

Jim Kirk knew he was far from a perfect captain and even further from a perfect man yet he was so often redeemed by the hard work and commitment of his crew. He would gladly march right up the entirety of Starfleet command and adamantly preach that his crew was the best damn one around. That they were going to do incredible things and how he was overwhelmed with pride for the amazing people under his command. Jim would do that in a heartbeat to demonstrate to his people what they meant to him. Subtleties were not his strong suit after all. Yet here he was, worried nearly to the point of illness as the first one on the bridge. He had volunteered to perform the majority of the pre-flight checks as today was the day. The USS Enterprise had gotten the final green light to start her voyage. It was finally here. Time to shove off.

 

Hunching over his knees with a somewhat panicked breath as fingers wove through his hair, Kirk was realizing just what that meant. Five. Years. Five years where he would be solely responsible for the lives of his entire crew. There was no Starfleet to run back to in order to regroup and lick their wounds. They would be on their own and looking to their captain to get them through it all in one piece.  He took a slow breath, hearing his heart racing in his ears as he stood up, not able to stay still. Jim's boots padded softly against the deck of the ship as he paced back and forth, trying to get his head in the right place. He needed to make things right with himself.

 

Jim needed to relax. It was not beneficial to him or his crew if he was emotionally compromised in anyway. In fact, it could be catastrophic. Jim Kirk knew that he would, without pause, give his life for any member of his crew. The thing that possibly scared him the most in the universe, was that without a doubt his crew would do the same for him. It made him immensely proud and terrified at the same time to think about. Jim didn't want his people to go through that.

 

He had seen death.

 

He was not a fan.

 

Not at all.

 

Talking about that fatal experience was not something the captain was fond of in any way.  He had died. His heart had stopped beating and his breath ceased. A curious crew member had once asked him what he had seen. Had he seen something of heaven? A promise land? Something more than just the current life they were all travelers of as they aimlessly bumbled along? Kirk had told him a partial truth. He had seen darkness. Inky black, a suffocating absence of light. There had been no bright light to go towards, no anything except one thing. One thing he had kept to himself and the reason for is current anxiety.

 

Christopher Pike.

 

It had been like watching the part of his life with Pike run in reverse, sped up like a movie, barely more than a blur. Things had come into focus as he found himself once again lying on his back in some dive of a bar in Iowa. Kirk had been a mess, bleeding and drunk. Pike had come in, spouting admiration for Kirk’s late father and had ended up being more of a father to him than his own had ever gotten the chance to be. Pike had scraped him off the floor essentially, taking the young repeat offender and giving him a shot to find his way in life. Pike had given him a shot at everything and Kirk never got to properly thank the man. Not like he had deserved.

 

 

_I couldn't believe when the bartender told me who you are._

  _... and who am I, Captain Pike?_

 

_Your father's son. For my dissertation, I was assigned the U.S.S. Kelvin. Something I admired about your dad... he didn't believe in no-win scenarios._

 

_He sure learned his lesson._

 

_Depends on how you define winning. You're here, aren't you? That instinct to leap without looking-- that was his nature, too. And in my opinion it's something Starfleet has lost. We're admirable, respectable. But overly-disciplined. Those cadets you took on, they'll make competent officers -- but you can bet your ass they'll run home to momma the minute they're looking down the barrel of a Klingon phaser cannon._

  _\-- why are you talking to me?_

 

_I looked up your file while you were drooling on the floor. Your aptitude tests were off the charts-- what is it, d'you like being the only Genius Level repeat-offender in the midwest?_

 

_Maybe I love it._

 

_So your daddy dies... you can settle for a less-than-ordinary life. Or do you feel like you're meant for something better? Something special?_

_Come to think of it, I do want to feel special. You know what? I'm gonna go start a book club--_

_Enlist in Starfleet._

_Enlist. You must be way down on your recruiting quota for the month--_

_If you're half the man your father was, Jim, Starfleet could use you. You could be an officer in four years, have your own ship in eight. You understand what the Federation is,_

_don't you? It's important; it's a peacekeeping and humanitarian armada._

_We done?_

_I'm done._ _Riverside shipyard. Shuttle for new recruits leaves tomorrow, 0800. Your father was Captain of a Starship. For twelve minutes. I dare you to do better._

 

I dare you to do better.

 

Those words had echoed as the scene darkened, a warping shadow enveloping around the memory. Kirk had found himself in darkness, head swiveling around in a weak attempt to find light, to find something to hang onto. This was the suffocating black, the cold fingers of death curling around his heart with panic wrenching pressure. It was the voice of Christopher Pike that brought him out of the panic, quenched the fear briefly. Words that he had never actually spoken but were a way for his mind to make sense of things as Kirk was brought back into the world of the living.

 

_I dare you to do better Jim. I dare you to do better because I couldn’t. I had my run. I did what I did and I am not looking back in regret. Nor should you._

 That had hit hard. Kirk hadn’t been able to save his mentor and worse hadn’t been able to be with him in his final moments.

 

  _You have a phenomenal crew Kirk and they have a talented and dedicated captain at the helm. Make me proud. More than you already have._

 

As that memory faded off, Kirk stumbled back into his reality, catching himself with his hands bracing himself at the console with a new personal mission in his mind. His brow glistened with a sheen layer of sweat as he panted slightly. The initial panic had rolled off him and the accented voice of the young Chekov stole his attention away.

 

 “Are you alright, Captain?” The Russian whiz kid looked concerned as he gave Kirk a once over.

 

Kirk turned to him with a looked of confusion. “What--Oh. I am fine,” he replied, running his forearm across his forehead.

 

“Are you sure Captain? Should I be going to get Doctor McCoy?”

 

 Kirk tensed up, shaking his head adamantly. “Hell no. You could tell Bones I sneezed and he would give me a full work up,” he mocked slightly and sighed. “We are on a schedule. Man your station. It is time to get the crew on deck.”

 

“Aye, aye Captain,” the young genius chirped.

 

“Thank you Mr. Chekov,” Jim dismissed, taking steps to find his place in his chair, hands relaxing over the arms as he gave the Russian a nod. Chekov returned it and started getting the rest of the systems online, including the ship’s intercom. “Captain Kirk on the bridge. All right guys. This is what we have been waiting for so let’s do this right,” he addressed the entire crew firmly. “To your stations. I want to be underway within the hour, but first thing is first-” he paused, eying Chekov who was watching him in admiration. Long, heart-felt speeches were not Kirk’s thing but this was a big moment and he was sure as hell going to give it a shot. Kirk cleared his throat, fingertip tracing circles into the arm of his chair as he rotated it side to side slightly. “I want to personally thank each and every one of you for your sacrifice. Five years is a long time to leave behind civilization. To leave behind family and friends and everything we know that makes sense. I don’t know what to expect of where we are headed. No one does and it means a lot to have earned enough faith from you all to allow me to lead you into this uncertainty,” he paused, taking a breath and letting it sink in. “I am sure everyone here has his or her own reason for joining us here today and I wanted to share mine.” The captain smiled to himself softly, tapping his fingers against the arm. “I am here to honor the first person to truly have faith in me. The man who is the only reason why I am here in this chair Captain Christopher Pike-” he trailed off, rubbing at the back of his neck. Kirk wasn’t able to say more on the matter, voice getting a bit thicker. “-That is all-” he paused, a small grin spreading across his lips. “ _Let’s get this party started_. Kirk out.” 

 

 


End file.
